Talaq…Divorce…..Talaq: Article by Prof.Philip Koshi, Florida
A couple of years ago I heard of a shocking true life incident of a young malayali girl’s views regarding marriage. It was in connection with a proposal of marriage which she herself had brought about and presented it before her parents. When they objected to it she is supposed to have nonchantly countered by saying that there is no harm in giving it a try and should it fail, will go in for a divorce.’
DIVORCE- the seven letter word is now becoming all too familiar in American, European and why, even Kerala culture. There is not a day when there is no news on the statistics, trends, analyses and specific cases reported on the subject of divorce. It even looks like a fashion statement worthy of emulation.
It is not the purpose of this article to examine at length or offer solutions to this burning issue of divorce but rather to acquaint oneself with this unhappy situation that the society, country and the world we live in is crippled with.
The Romans had an interesting view towards marriage-‘matrionia debent esse librero’- marriages ought to be free. This meant that either spouse could opt out of marriage if it did not go their way.
The frequently cited reasons for divorce are 1) lack of commitment to the marriage 2) lack of communication between spouses 3) infidelity 4) alcohol addiction 5) physical abuse 6) personality differences 7) financial problems 8)mental instability 9) lifestyle and cultural differences 10)midlife crisis
India and Sri Lanka are the two countries that have the lowest divorce rates. In India, for example, arranged marriage is still more fairly prominent , although not as common as once it was.Divorce, is not deemed as acceptable as it is in other cultures and therefore many either make a concerted effort to work through relationship problems or remain in unhappy marriages for their whole lives.
However, as in other countries of the world, India too has the stringest divorce laws. In India, the special marriage Act was passed in 1954 and the Hindu Marriage Act in 1955 which legally permitted divorce to the Hindus.
The triple talaq is a mechanism for divorce which exists in Sunni and its associated forms of Islam while rejected by the Shia Muslims. It simply consists of the husband saying the phrase. ‘Talaq’(I divorce you), three times to the wife. The practice is banned by law in many countries including Turkey, Tunisia, Algeria, Iraq, Iran, Indonesia, Pakistan and Bangladesh.
Divorce is not permitted in some countries such as Malta and in the Philippines only as anuulment is permitted. What then is an annulment and how is it different from a divorce?
An annulment is a legal procedure which terminates a marriage between a man and a woman. It erases the complete existence of the marriage and declares that it never technically existed and was never valid. A divorce, on the other hand, is the termination of a valid marriage between a man and a woman. After divorce both the parties can regain their single status and an legally remarry.
In this context it is extremely interesting to examine the issue of divorce in the Catholic Church which does not allow divorce. The official position of the church is that marriage is a sacrament that cannot be dissolved. It is a contract between a man and woman and God. A valid marriage has to endure until the death of the spouse. The surviving spouse is then allowed to remarry. However the Catholic Church can annul a marriage if there is suffiecient proof that the marriage was invalid to begin with.
Divorce, in the world’s largest populated country, China, is on the rise. Women in China are now taking the lead in filing for divorce,with seventy percent of cases initiated by wives in 2010. Incompatibility, extramarital affairs and domestic violence were the ajor causes behind the breakup. Across the country, 1.96 million couples apllied for divorce while only 1.2 million tie the knot in 2010.
Of all the revelations regarding divorce, perhaps the most shocking is that diorce in kerala which is now steadily on the rise. During the years 2009-10,11,600 cases had been filed in various family courts in kerala, The most high profile case in recent times is that of the popular cine artist, Kavya Madhavan, who filed a joint petition with her husband seeking divorce hardly a few months after her marriage.
Increase in divorce cases in Kerala is closely linked to the social chages permeating the fabric of kerala society. Excessive alcohiolism is wrecking family lives in the middle and upper class sections of society. Drugs and personality problems are other reasons cited for young couples seeking separation very early in marriage.
With the increasing number of divorce cases, the kerala Women’s Commission has sought to raise the minimum age of marriage from 18 to 25 for women and from 21 to 28 for men. The commission is of the opinion that those seeking to marry should reach a credible level of maturity and economic self-reliance to support a family. In 2009, the Women’s Commision received more than 10,000 applications for divorce. The Catholic Churches and other churches have responded to this issue by insisting on ompusory pre-marital counseling.
Intolerance, lack of social and religious values, the increasing financial empowerment, irreconcilable differences, spawning out of a hybrid culture, bringing in its wake a host of a attendant problems have all led t the irretrievable breakdown in societies around the world. It is a sad reflection of the times we live in when we read that divorce are obtained even on the ground of the trivial complaint of snoring.
The sanctity of marriage seems to have been either eroded or lost to a great extet, especially I Western societies. Change of spouses are effected as easily as the change of dress. No longer are marriages;made in heaven’. They are made in earth and destroyed on earth.
Prof.Philip Koshi
I like this article.I like this article.
I like this article.
Prof.Koshi’s article is an in-depth analysis of a social problem all over the world. I know of a muslim couple who dont want divource despite the fact they dont have any child so far, and have quarrels.
I know of a couple in Kerala, husband a drunkard and wife a university lecturer with doctorate, want no divource. I know myself living separately for every two weeks from my wife, and want no divource for it is against my wife’s financial interest. Much might be said on both sides- for divource and no divource. In a world with more opportunities for women to work and be self-supporting, the rate of divources increase. Neither churches nor any religious dogmas should dictate people’s freedom.
In order to stay employed, church and their phony leaders has to dictate your and my freedom by faking about heaven and hell.
You may be unmarried
താന് കല്യാണം കഴിക്കാത്തത് കൊണ്ടായിരിക്കും ഇത്രേം സന്തോഷം.ഞാന് കല്യാണം കഴിച്ചു വടി ആയി പോയ ഒരാളാ
In Kerala, olden days, husbands were the masters of the house and ladies were treated like slaves. They took lots of abuse and were children production factories. The same thing can be seen, in 21st centaury in Middle East, predominantly, among the Muslims.. With 8% annual economic growth in India, education, and well paid job, women do not have to take orders from the masters any more. Husbands have to take lots of responsibilities. They have to get into the kitchen participate in cooking and taking care of children including diaper changing.
Recently in Saudi Arabia, where women are not allowed to drive, women challenged the law (in fact there is no such low) by driving the car. It is sad that some of the Achayens in USA, living off their wives salary are abusing verbally and physically there partners after getting drunk. Unfortunately some of these victims don’t have any option but stick with these morons for the sake of children and to please the society and its guardians.
But things are different now. The definition of marriage is changing. It used to be the legal union of a man and woman as husband and wife. But, the other day watching a debate in TV, on same sex marriage, some one was defining it as a contract between two people. There is no obligation to stay together and get abused. Any oppressed desires to attain the power of the oppressor. So, everyone watch your back because we don’t know when you are going to be kicked out.
LOVE the four letters’ significance is ruled out by everybody despite three comments, and myself. May I add that MARRIAGE without LOVE forced upon a woman or man by the so-called Christian community in Kerala, through arrangements or manipulations, may or may not work for 50 years by living together. Children are by-products. We can make a lot of ` sound and fury’ signifying nothing about marriage, LOVE is what I find in Suresh the Hindu friend who married a Marthomite despite her family’s opposition. Today, after 35 years, with two smart boys, they still LOVE. Homosexuals claim their LOVE and argue, No Law can stop them. Plato and Socrates loved LOVE. Divine LOVE on earth is what we want, not Love based on money or assets, or arrangements. If anyone wants me to elaborate, e-mail me: Abrahamcity@centurylink.net .No hiding, Let us be straightforward, and not hide. It is July 4 th ahead, and let us pray for LOVE that will bring PEACE, and prevail.
“സ്നേഹം എന്ന നിധിയും കൊണ്ട്
ദൈവപുത്രന് വന്നു
കുരിശിലേറ്റി മുള്മുടി ചാര്ത്തിയ
കുരുടന്മാര് നമ്മള്……..” വയലാര്
It is all a matter of adjustment and attitude. Male dominated society is diminishing. It takes a while for men to realize the fact. No one should abuse anyone, if you do suffer the aftermath.
Prof. Philip Koshi’s article “Talaq ….. Divorce ….. Talaq” is both interesting and informative, and appears to be well-researched. I would like to share the following thoughts:
1. Marriage should not be entered into nonchalantly. It requires a lot of commitment and a lot of work to make it work. By the same token, divorce should not be taken frivolously, because there are serious consequences, especially if there are children.2. People should stay married because they want to be together, not because they are forced to. The quality of the marriage is more important than the durability of the marriage. Children may be a good reason to want to make a marriage work, but not always a good enough reason to continue a bad marriage.3. The rising trend in the divorce rate may be the result of an increased sense of financial and social freedom, in which case it is not a bad thing in itself.4. Raising the legal age for marriage is not a good idea (except for lawyers) because it is a social problem, not a legal one. An effective solution can only come from education, counseling and open dialogue as is happening on WebMalayalee.com.
Just because the number of divorces looks bigger did not mean people loved or lived together in the past. Tonnes of people in all religions of Kerala have lived apart and had separated life. Modern couples don’t want to live this way. Also no one should live in a marriage of abuse or hidden sexualitiy.
One of my old girlfriends found out after the wedding she was married to transexual/gay. They had a divorce because he was using her to hide his real sexual nature which was not fair to her. There are others who have had to stay because family would not support them
One friend has kids and is divorcing because the guy is physically and vebally abusive. Another aunty had a husband who decided after 10 yrs of working that he was done and expected her to financial look after the house PLUS look after the childs and housework.
People are not sticking around with cheaters, drugs, drunks, abuse, lying and spouses who chose not to work.
I don’t think raising the legal of marriage is the answer here or getting rid of the arrange marriage system.